Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
