I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
