dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
