I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
do herpes really smell.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
