allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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