Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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