she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
