I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
