dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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