dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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