Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
