You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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