I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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