Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
