I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
