I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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