Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
