my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
