You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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