When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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