If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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