I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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