why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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