The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
