Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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