my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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