I bet he comes in French.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
