ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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