It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I need a burrito and a hug.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
