foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
