Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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