Small penises have feelings too.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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