I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
