Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
