I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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