he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
