yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
