i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
