3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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