arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
