im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
