he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
