Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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