i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
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