Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
