i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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