You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
