God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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