I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
