nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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