im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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