Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
