just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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